


Sexy-ass Hetalia lemon

by owodespacito



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, I used google translate and the little french I know to make really good dialouge, Lemon, M/M, Spaghetti, because my friend forced me to, i mean i'm only on season 3 so does england represent the whole of britain or just england?, oh yeah england is called britain in this, really bad, really makes you think, that was sarcasm, there's probably an actual name for this kink but I'm too scared to look it up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 07:01:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17055347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owodespacito/pseuds/owodespacito
Summary: read this to die instantly





	1. pasta tiem!!!!!!!1!!one!

Italy was feeling pretty great because he had just made some spaghetti that he was going to cook with Germany later. Japan was even going to come and eat with them! He had made a lot of spaghetti, one could even consider it a butt load (whatever that means).

Eventually he arrived outside of Germany's house. Instead of knocking or ringing the doorbell like a normal person, he yelled, "Germaaaany! I'm here! And I brought the pasta!"

"Ugh Italy, can you knock next time?" Germany scolded Italy before letting him in.

"Awww okay Germany... Anyway, I brought the pasta! It's aaaall home made too!" Italy shoved some spaghetti in Germany's face.

"That's very nice Italy but can we cook it first before you try and shove it in my mouth?" Germany was already irritated. He hoped Japan would arrive soon.

Italy ran into the kitchen and started preparing the ingredients. Then he heard knocking at the door. "Oh there's a bang at the door! Should I get it orrr...?"

"I'll get it." Germany made his way towards the door. He was relieved that Japan was finally here, Italy was irritating sometimes.

"こんにちは、小さな雌犬。 " Japan said to Germany after he opened the door.

"Japan! It's nice to see you, come on in, Italy is cooking the food." He said as Japan walked in.

"うわー、あなたはドイツの何を持っているの？盲人がそれを飾ったのですか？" Japan said as he looked around the living room.

"Glad you like it, I put a-" Germany started to say but suddenly Italy burst into the room.

"Guuuuys the pasta's ready!!!!! Let's eat!" He shoved plates of spaghetti bolognese into Germany and Japan's hands

"あなたが実際にあなたをやっていることはファックですか？" Japan looked at Italy.

"Ahh I know it looks tasty, get stuck in guys!" Italy took some forks and shoved them into their pasta. He then turned to Germany, "Ah, where should we eat?". Germany sighed.

"You could've asked me that earlier. Just follow me," Germany opened a door and walked into a large room. It had a large table and five chairs sat around it. 

"なぜあなたはあなたが5人の椅子を持っていますか？" Japan sat down on one of the chairs and started eating. They all sat down and ate their tasty pasta meal while making pleasant conversation.

Germany remembered that Italy had brought basically a tonne of spaghetti with him, and there was no way all the stuff he had brought was on their plates right now. "Hey Italy, this can't be all your spaghetti from before, what are you going to do with the rest of it?" Germany asked.

"Glad you asked," Italy winked cheekily. "I'm planning on doing something with it later... In bed lmao," Italy said.

"ファック・バッチ" Japan was surprised. He had suspected that Germany and Italy were doing things that were not welcome in a school environment, but why was Italy being so open about it? Especially in front of him.

"What the fuck Italy, you can't expose our sex life to Japan like that!" Germany yelled at him.

"Oh but you find Japan extremely smexy don't you?" Italy said, "Japan, want to have a cheeky threesome with us?"

"何もそれはゲイの笑だ" Japan said and nodded.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" Italy screeched. He then proceeded to run into the kitchen and get the left over spaghetti.

"Ok, this is happening," Germany looked over to Japan. They both had cheeky bulges in their pants.

"彼は私たちのお尻をスパゲッティに押しつぶすつもりですか？" Japan asked.

"Y-yeah..." Germany replied.

Suddenly Italy burst into the room. "I got the paaaaaaaaaaastaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Germany was shook, mainly because he had no clothes on. Germany stood up and took his clothes off because he was feeling pretty hot. He put something in the spaghetti didn't he? Even Japan started stripping なぜ私はこれを書いているファックですか？.

"Alright guys, let's take this somewhere else..." Germany lead them out of the dining room and into his bedroom.


	2. the smexy part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha yes

As soon as they entered Germany's room, Italy jumped on the bed, scattering spaghetti everywhere. "What are you doing Italy, you're making a mess!" Germany shouted.

"It's only going to get messier..." Japan said. Both Italy and Germany gasped, that was the first time he had spoken English that night!

"OwO, feeling cheeky are we?" Italy said, noticing how hard everyone was. Germany pinned him down on the bed and grabbed a handful of spaghetti.

"Turn over." Germany demanded. Italy did what he was told and Germany suddenly shoved the spaghetti up his ass.

"AAAAAAAAAHHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!!" Italy yelled.

"What did you expect, you wanted to use spaghetti in bed," Germany responded with slight irritation in his voice. Japan decided to get in on this action as well. He took his pheenie peenie and shoved it in Germany's ass.

"Mein gott Japan, at least give me a warning first!" Germany moaned as Japan started thrusting.

"クソなお尻の売春婦。私はこれよりも69倍も大きいロシアのおしっこピースを取った" Japan growled in his ear. Italy moved out from under Germany and grabbed another handful of spaghetti. He shoved this up Japan's ass this time.

"ファックは、このくそ、いいえ、少しパスタの売春婦を感じることはありません!" Japan moaned and he reached climax, cumming in Germany's ass.

"OwO you making some pasta sauce?" Italy said to Japan as he pulled out of Germany. Italy still had spaghetti up his ass hole so Germany pulled it out and stuck his frankfurter inside him. Japan took the spaghetti that Italy took out of his ass and shoved it up Germany's.

"あなたはそれが好きですか？あなたは遅れている！" Japan said to Germany.

 

OwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwO

 

Britain was on a mission. He had found out that Germany had invited Italy and Japan to his home, so they must be having some sort of important meeting! He had located where Germany lived, so now all he needed to do was listen in on whatever they were talking about, the man smiled to himself, knowing that the axis would have no idea he was spying on them.

He noticed that one room had light coming out of it, despite the curtains being drawn. Unfortunately, this room was on the second storey, so he would have to climb up there somehow in order to listen in. He tried looking for any other rooms they could be in, but this was the only one that was lit up, and because it was night he doubted they would host a meeting in a dark room.

He sighed and started scaling the house. _I better find out something good_. Fortunately the window was open so he could hear whatever they were talking about. Unfortunately, he didn't hear any important details. He instead learned that Italy liked spaghetti being shoved up his ass. He was disgusted, shocked, and a tad bit aroused. His mind wandered. He then started wondering what spaghetti would feel like up his ass, or what a crumpet would feel like. _I think I have a new fetish..._ He needed a cheeky wank, but he was holding onto a window frame, so his hands were occupied.

"Hey Italy, close the window, I don't want anyone hearing this," He heard Germany say. Oh bollocks. He couldn't let go! He's break his legs! And it would take too long to climb down! Suddenly, the curtains opened and he saw Italy, Germany and Japan (all naked) staring at him.


	3. cheeky britian does a cheeky thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> owo what's this?

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH IT'S BRITAIN!!! I SURREN-"

"Shut the fuck up Italy!" Germany yelled, "What the actual fuck are you doing Britain? You trying to spy on us having a sexy threesome?" Germany taunted him.

"Wha- no of course not! Why would I want to watch you three go at it? I was here to gather intelligence, not listen to-to... whatever the bloody hell this is!" Britain was flustered, but he was also becoming increasingly aroused.

"Maybe Britain would like to join us." Japan chimed in. Everyone looked at him in shock.

"Wh-what? Of course I don't! Why would I want spaghetti shoved up my ass? Or crumpets? Or a big-ass baguette?" England sputtered out.

"You kinky son of a bitch..." Germany muttered. Japan walked over to Britain.

"Well even if you don't want to join in, at least come inside so you don't fall and die, しかし、それはあなたや何かが好きではない、あなたはバカ" Japan said and then offered Britain his hand. Britain reluctantly took it.

"W-well, I guess I'll be going now!" Britain bolted for the door, only to find that it had been locked. If they're the only ones in the house why on earth would they lock the door?! "Ah, um can someone unlock this please?" Britain asked.

Germany laughed, "Well, I could, but it looks like you have a little problem of your own," he said, looking very obviously at Britain's crotch . Britain turned away, but everyone else had clearly seen his bulgy-wulgy uwu.

He was out of options, or so he told himself. He sighed and started stripping out of his clothes, taking off his shirt and union jack vest underneath, then his pants and his union jack underwear. "Fine, let's get this over with." he declared. Italy looked ecstatic, not only did his threesome turn into a foursome, but he wasn't going to get murdered by Britain either.

"あなたのお尻の上にこのパスタを押す時間、あなたはおなら," Japan said, grabbing a handful of spaghetti and shoving it up Britain's arsehole.

"AAAHH!"Britain yelled and moaned at the same time. It felt 69x better than he imagined. He dropped onto all fours. He couldn't help it, it was an extremely kinky situation!

 

OwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwO

 

France was feeling pretty cheeky today, so he decided to stalk Britain. He had followed him all day long, and he still hadn't caught him masturbating! He had made sure to delete all his yiff and persona 4 hentai on his computer so he was especially sexually frustrated, but alas, he hadn't sneaked off into a bathroom to take care of his business. It wasn't like he liked Britain or anything! Or that he wanted to see him masturbate!  
It was dark now. He had followed Britain all the way to some random house. _Now this could get interesting..._ France wasn't sure why Britain had come here. He'd made sure he wouldn't be seen though, as he was hiding in a bush, watching Britain with a pair of binoculars. Britain started climbing towards a slightly lit up window. _Quoi the enfer is he doing?!_ Suddenly, the curtains were flung open. Italy was standing there naked!

 _Ooh la la! This is getting interesting!_ To France's disappointment, it looked like Italy wasn't expecting Britain, but then Japan helped Britain inside the house! He then had an idea...

 

OwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwO

 

Britain was moaning on the floor as Japan shoved the spaghetti in and out of him. Italy was still shook and Germany was trying to encourage him to shove some more spaghetti up his ass, more spaghetti than ever before. Suddenly, they heard someone outside. "Bonjour everyone! Ooh la la, what are we up to?!" France jumped into the room.

"What in God's name are you doing here France!?" Britain tried to look and sound dignified, but it was hard (( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)) as Japan was shoving spaghetti in his ass.

"I was just stalking you, then I saw you breaking into someone's house! Of course I had to follow you inside, and this is one extremely kinky situation, Je l'aime!" France watched as Japan kept thrusting the spaghetti in and out Britain's ass. Britain didn't want to admit it, but the French twat watching him kinda turned him on OwO.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S FRANCE!!!" Italy screeched, hiding behind Germany.

Germany sighed and looked over to France, and winked, "you've scared my little Italy, looks like I'll have to punish you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)." Germany pulled a collar and leash out his ass and put them around France's neck. France licked his lips as he felt himself being stripped of his clothes.

"Hold on, j'ai quelque chose ," France then pulled a 65cm baguette out his ass and handed it to Germany.

"Oh boy, I am going to make sure to use this..." Germany growled. The baguette was still dry and crispy, somehow.

It was going to be one kinky night.


End file.
